I was first diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2005 following a long pseudo-pilgrimage I took by hitchhiking to California. I was feeling a deep sense of unease, blaming, and dedication to do something about my problems driven by paranoia which was sparked after watching a video on human trafficking. When I returned, my mental anguish was severe. I felt powerless and hopeless, and eventually I was taken by force to the mental hospital when I threatened to kill myself if my parents wouldn’t listen to me.
My recovery began in the mental hospital, where I had a spiritual realization. The essence of the realization was that the powerful, negative emotions I was experiencing weren’t bad, or to be shunned or necessarily controlled, but rather to be confronted. I was put on a low dose of anti-psychotics, and returned to live at a group home in my home town. Due to my spiritual realization, I had decided to practice meditation intensely. I felt uncommonly peaceful for years.
Several years later, I felt my medications were hindering my ability to practice medication. I knew no psychiatrist or general practitioner I knew, and especially not my parents, would listen to me if I requested alternative methods to mitigating paranoia other than Zyprexa. So I went off all by myself, with no support.
In short order, I was again in the mental hospital. But my fear and powerlessness were gone, replaced by a deep, powerful, controlling spiritual energy coursing through me which guided me with no effort of my own will through the mental hospital and into a relationship with a new therapist who would eventually help me use non-mainstream methods to control, mitigate, and eliminate much of my mental problems.
I was also guided to WRAP group, where I shared my story, received much love and support, and learned specific methods to open channels of communication with my psychiatric nurse practitioner so we could have a basis of understanding and communication. My WRAP continues to be of enormous help to me, and many of the multifaceted self-care techniques described in WRAP literature I use on a daily basis.
I now feel more powerful than ever, and am full of optimism and spirit after a lifetime of powerlessness in the face of parents, doctors, psychiatrists, and neurological problems such as insomnia. I am grateful to everyone who supports me, to Mary Ellen Copeland for her journey and the fruits thereof, and to God who manifests new miracles for me everyday.